When words snick and snap, they do it with a smash where only that moment. That scene. Those characters uttering the words matter.
Eyes poised on the road, the lines, the keys...I shake, my eyes water as if they cannot believe what they are not witnessing in the confines of my mind that only I at the moment know about. Adrenaline pumps in one fell swoop, telling me to hurry. Don't forget those exact words. Write them down NOW.
It's a race, and I have never been great at long distance. Luckily, most of the time it is only a few lines of a sprint. The hundred meters looking like a few feet compared to making sure I get those words down as soon as possible without changes. The goal is to get them down exactly how I see them, how I hear them, exactly as they are before the frilly add-ins that will make it even better.
When I do, that's when the magic happens. When I actually feel like this mess of a story has chance and hope beating through its pages.
The heart within the manuscript, in that moment, is racing too. It wants to live, I just have to keep feeding it the right words for it to survive. The ink is its nectar of life that only sometimes make it down in the glory they should be.
Because it is absolutely true that sometimes I don't. Sometimes my words don't make it even close to the page in time before they drift away in the wind.
The next breeze is for the light brush dread to come back in. It whispers there against my heart, telling me of something I knew I had, but can't remember. Those are when I feel like the words are teasing me. Fighting like the most prized of soldiers who are debating if I, their Queen, are even worth fighting for. They laugh and shrug their shoulders at one another in thought. As if they think that all of this work that keeps me up till morning is just a game.
I strive and wish on the stars and famous time table of 11:11 for those physical show stopping moments that makes all the words worth it in the end. They will never be perfect- but they will hit me like the slap some of my characters deserve half the time.
Because the one I am using now even as I write things is jumbled, but it is true.